Author: Elizabeth Clapp

Memoirs!

I freaking love memoirs. It probably stemmed from my early love of diary-style stories (Dear America series, specifically the Titanic one because I really liked the Titanic, Love, Stargirl by Jerry Spinelli, Amelia’s Notebook series by Marissa Moss though I only read one of them because my mom thought it had too many pictures, and of course the first few Diary of a Wimpy Kid books while they were relevant to my age demographic). I also participated in the creation of diaries (both my own and of fictional characters). Most recently (like a year ago), I read Diary by Chuck Palahniuk which I loved but I’ll talk about that later maybe.

ANYWAY I think these fictional stories were a gateway to memoirs, specifically those kinds where you’re like “wait, what, how is that not made up, that’s amazing/hilarious”. Here are some of my favorite memoirs that I’ve read so far in life.

Let’s Pretend This Never Happened (A Mostly True Memoir) by Jenny Lawson

A taxidermy mouse on the cover, a chapter titled “I Was a Three-Year-Old Arsonist”, and another named “And That’s Why Neil Patrick Harris Would Be the Most Successful Mass Murderer Ever”… it seems like this book has it all already. It was the humor (primarily the stories of her father bringing wild animals home through her childhood) that drew me in but it was Lawson’s personality and discussion about mental illness that kept me reading. Another great thing about memoirs is when photos are included, to show the author as a child (or a bottle-fed porcupine) and make the stories feel more personal. I read this book (multiple times) several years ago (2014?) but it has a special place in my heart.

Furiously Happy, A Funny Book About Horrible Things by Jenny Lawson

Imagine my surprise as I wandered aimlessly through Barnes and Noble and turned to see a crazy-eyed, smiling taxidermy raccoon greeting me on the shelf. Jenny Lawson? Wait a second… she published a second memoir? I wasted no time and purchased it, somewhat angry at myself for not realizing she had written a second book, though not like I kept tabs on her. It came out in 2015, but I think I got my hands on it early 2018, and remember reading it senior year in the library during my ILT (“individual learning time” for you non-EL education folks, though I prefer the name ‘idle tea time’). At any rate, it is a logical continuation of Lawson’s personal story, though more focus on her progress combating her mental illnesses and her growth as an adult and parent. I feel like it I didn’t devour it the way I did the first book, but I am still a fan of her humor and storytelling.

Maus (I and II) by Art Spiegelman

I sought out Maus I and II after reading about how the layout of the narrative on the page utilized the medium of a graphic novel and the purpose of showing the past and present. I was already a graphic novel lover so I eagerly bought them at Books-A-Million in sophomore year of high school. The extended metaphor and showing both the past and present help portray the story, and definitely is a unique look at the Holocaust as compared to history books or documentaries.

Literally Anything by Lucy Knisley

That’s not a book title, I mean literally any book of hers. Her works are a unique and balanced blend of essay/information and her personal story and I am just simply a fan of her art style. I have devoured everything Knisley has made since I first stumbled upon her on Instagram. Her work wasn’t available near me so in my first fall semester of college I promptly bought what books they had of hers at Greenlight. I read Relish and Something New, and was unbelievably excited when I saw that her book tour was coming on the release date to Books Are Magic. Thank GOD it was on a Tuesday night when I didn’t have class and it was only a few subway stops away. I got a copy of her book Kid Gloves, had it signed, got to see her parents in the crowd who she regularly illustrates which was bizarre, and got my portrait done, while I gave her a portrait I drew of her. I felt so inspired leaving that bookstore and reading the entire thing in line (over an hour long line but worth itttt, though I feel sorry for her drawing hand). I’ve never really met an author I’d really admired until then. I kind of want to be her when I grow up.

Other Notable Mentions:

• Fun Home by Allison Bechdel was a required read (my first required graphic novel which I was pumped for), which focuses around her relationship with her father, as well as her personal growth as it comes to sexuality and overcoming mental illness. I also recently read Are You My Mother? the day after Mother’s Day as I was coming home from college.
• Stay Sexy and Don’t Get Murdered by Georgia Hardstark and Karen Kilgariff. My most recent read, do recommend, though I did find that there are inside jokes/phrases that those who listen to the podcast will easily pick up on that those who don’t listen may not get but they’re very minor. The chapter titles are phrases often used in the podcast, but the phrase is thoroughly explained in the content of the chapter. They tackle lessons they’ve learned through combating mental illnesses, growing up as latchkey kids, and not trusting their gut in a potentially dangerous situation because of the social expectation to be polite. Read it in a night and a morning.

I’ve been having an ongoing existential crisis lately, which I suspect is a fairly common occurrence in 19-year-olds and young adults in general. I know it was just wishful thinking when, just a year ago, I thought that going to college would clear up my uncertainty on what I wanted to do with my life. As if I would be suddenly enlightened. However, I feel like it just complicated matters, with the addition of money and time (or lack thereof).

It doesn’t quite help that I’m fearful of committing to do one thing my entire adult life. I have heard that most adults nowadays have more than one career, and that architecture majors go off and do all sorts of things not necessarily directly related to architecture which is reassuring. The suspense is terrifying me though, part of me just wants to know that I’ll be content with my career(s) and know whether or not I’ll be in debt for the rest of my life, ya know. I hope these long hours in the studio will be worth it in some way. I’m also terrified of dying young, not living long enough to live up to my full potential, and the fact cancer seems to run in my family at least on my paternal side. Yeah there’s a lot to unpack there in my mind but I’m not gonna dive too deep right now.

Nowadays my uncertainty has moved on to not just worrying about my own future but the future of the world. Which I figure is the next logical step, though not necessarily an enjoyable one. I had always been aware of problems greater than my own (the mess of politics, global warming, etc.) however it always appeared those were the problems meant for adults to figure out. But now I’m an adult, technically. And I sure as heck don’t know what to do.

The main problems that are on my mind include global warming caused by humans and the unethical sides of architecture. This is just a thought dump to help get it off my mind so I apologize for anything misinformed or not expanded on enough :T

A week or so ago I read an article about married couples who do not intend on having any biological children as an effort to slow down overpopulation, decrease their impact on global warming, and are afraid of the world they may bring their children into (which is totally valid, and there are plenty of children up for adoption anyhow). But for some reason it really sunk in with me this time, thinking about how humans are destroying themselves and the planet, and how we’re past the point of ‘reversing’ what we’ve done. It goes back to me being younger and just kind of assuming that global warming would become a solved issue as I would grow up. When you’re younger, adults seem to be able to do anything but they kind of just pass the problems they couldn’t solve down to the rest of us (and hopefully they raise us and equip us with the skills that will help us solve the problem, but I guess we’ll see).

Another, more recent thing, is about the unethical side of architecture. At the core, architects design a structure to control/influence people. That sounds really sinister but like an open floor plan influences people to spend more time with one another and maybe inspire someone to hold a dinner party, that kind of thing. There are plenty of cool design concepts that influence the occupants in an interesting and not-sinister way. Then my mind kind of spiraled into the designers of prisons or detention facilities. Like how do you determine the ethical size of a holding cell? What about solitary confinement? In what ways can architecture serve as a punishment? I found an interesting interview conducted in 2018 by PBS NewsHour regarding the ethics of designing prisons, which is especially important as the amount of prisoners increase (which is another issue, of course). I’ll probably look more into this subject.

In the same vein, the workers who build and construct the architecture are often treated unjustly and are a footnote in the design, not considered until the end. Also architecture can assist in the gentrification of a place, and remind me again why we are making a $200 million dollar design if there’s homeless people and we could’ve used that money to make affordable housing? There’s just too much to think about. Here I am just screwing around with models on my desk and there’s this weight of decades of bad practice looming over me.

But yeah I don’t really have any answers or solutions so I have to bring this ramble to an unsatisfying close.

Thanks for reading. Feel free to share your own existential crisis thoughts below or with me on instagram (@ elclapp) and whatnot.