Author: Elizabeth Clapp

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The Object of Life

Elizabeth Clapp

Me, around age 5, and a dead guinea pig. One of my introductions to mortality.

It was dinner time, and I commented to my brother that his guinea pig, appropriately named Squeakers, looked cute while he was sleeping.

“I don’t think he’s sleeping.”

When I think of that guinea pig, the few moments of someone lifting him up to confirm his demise is burned in my mind.

When our family dog died, I wasn’t present when she was put down and my parents told me that if I were to see the dead body, that it would be all I would remember of her.

I witnessed a fatal plane crash at age 7 during an aviation show. I didn’t know why everyone was distraught, and was largely confused as black smoke emerged from the horizon. I didn’t receive much of an answer from my parents as we drove back home.

These events of my early childhood didn’t fully sink in until I considered my own mortality. I can’t explain why exactly, but as I was in the bathroom with the DVD of Shrek 3 playing in the living room, I realized that one day I would die. I could just feel this dark hole form in the core of my being, and I think about Rosa Parks… long story (this is still a prevalent issue every time I think about my personal mortality). At night as I tried going to sleep, I started doing jumping jacks to make sure my heart didn’t slow down too much. I would close my eyes and hold my breath and think ‘this is what being dead would feel like’. I sincerely panicked as my brother notified me that one day the sun would explode. My goal as a child was to one day be the oldest person alive, though I did see the downsides of being truly immortal (do not want to be around when the sun explodes, of course).

While I can’t exactly prevent myself from being mortal, the only solution seems to be to avoid thinking about it.

Throughout all four of my grandparents’ deaths, I was never present in the final moments, never told much detail, never saw an open casket.

I am conflicted on whether or not this constant distance and avoidance of dealing with mortality benefited me or not. I just think about seeing that dead guinea pig and how it is unfortunate that I can only remember that animal’s death, and not its life. Maybe it is my own doing, since I actively remembered those moments. If I were to see my dog, my grandparents, or one day my cats or other relatives, as they lay dying- how could that not be what I think of first? Is this a bad thing? Did or will I miss some sort of closure?

At present, the only way I am comfortable with mortality is when I think of it as an object, or as something that only happens to others. I am fine dissecting animals in biology class or watching it on The Brain Scoop, I love taxidermy in museums, I am fine watching and reading about Caitlin Doughty’s mortician-related work. Perhaps because I don’t know any of those animals or people personally, I can detach it from myself.

But if I think too hard and consider death as something that could happen to me, I just go right back to that unpleasant dark, hollow feeling.

I’m not sure that there is some grand takeaway from this post, but I just had some thoughts I needed to write out. I’d love to hear your viewpoints.

 

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I absolutely love this piece from the American Museum of Natural History, saw it originally on the cover of “The Authentic Animal” by Dave Madden

 

 

Comics & Zines, Thoughts

2019

Elizabeth Clapp

Today (January 4th, 2020) marks the third year of drawing everyday (Started January 4th, 2017). At some point I’ll look back at the grand scheme of things but for now let us gaze upon the past year. Also behold my inconsistent art style.

January 13th:

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An ‘about me’ back when I was 18. I think these still hold true, though I am curious about the high ranking of waffles and the oddly specific ‘strangers in the dark’.

February 4:

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I turn 20 in a month which is weird, but so was turning 19 (I think mostly because 18 is such an important age but 19 is just like eh, you are still an ‘adult’ but not completely. 20 might kind of be the same though it means I’m not a teenager anymore).

February 26:

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On February 26th, I got to meet Lucy Knisley at her ‘Kid Gloves’ book signing at Books Are Magic. She definitely has one of my dream jobs. If I accomplish nothing else in life I would like to write books, whether it be graphic novels, poetry, fiction, nonfiction, or all of them. But I cannot help but wonder what it will take to get there.

March 5:

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If you cut back to me as a senior in high school I thought that everything would fall into place once I went to college and I don’t think that will ever be the truth. I overthink as much as ever, if not more.

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Spring Break! Hung out with friends a few times, enjoyed being back home for a mid-semester pick-me-up.

March 23:

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Back to school. Welcome to the common theme of trying to ‘take the day off’ aka working but just not on design. Also got the opportunity to see Chicago on Broadway. I originally didn’t win the school lottery but luckily got the last unclaimed ticket.

April 6:

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Went to MOCCA fest (a comic fest)! Got to meet Fran Meneses (frannerd) at her booth and bought a few of her books. Also saw the folks from Drawfee who I used to watch probably back in middle school or early high school and didn’t know they were going to be there so it was a pleasant surprise. Then went to Hudson Yards for the first time to see the giant Wasp Nest (Vessel), couldn’t go inside of it though.

April 19:

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April 23:

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There’s always a point in the semester where I am not taking great care of myself.

April 30:

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Went to the American Museum of Natural History for the first time as a subject for my final English essay (writing about how museums and statues can influence what version of history we learn). I saw a diorama that was on the cover of The Authentic Animal (a book on taxidermy) and it was kind of surreal because I had only ever seen it as a photo and didn’t know what museum it was in. Need to go back there sometime.

May 6:

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Best day of finals week was the picnic I had with my design studio.

May 12:

may1219 (2).png Moved out of my dorm and put everything in a storage unit. Rainy day but not too bad. Thankful for my parents driving all the way up so we could utilize the car, but of course that means we had to drive all the way back the 11 or so hours.

May 22:

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Went to the beach for the first time since elementary school or something. I love being tall so I can go far out and let the waves hit me, but I don’t like being responsible for the car keys and having sand everywhere.

May 27:

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Hanging out with friends is the best part of summer.

June 8:

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Went to Greenville Repticon with friends and brother! Saw so many good turtles and tortoises.

June 15:

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Went to Carowinds for the first time since 7th grade with my family. I think roller coasters are cool… but I do not like them.

July 2:

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Had a nice trip to Asheville with a few friends in early July. Went tubing in a river for the first time, got sunburned but had a lot of fun.

July 14:

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Finished my first year of architecture school zine, pretty happy with how it came out.

July 22:

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Spent around 5 days in Pittsburgh, moving brother into his new apartment. Also did a few touristy things, mom got a flat tire, and drove a lot to get home at around 2am.

July 29:

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Avoided my summer camp counseling responsibility for a day by going to the beach with a few more friends again (this time I didn’t have to drive ha).

August 2:

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Last day of helping at my mom’s lego robotics summer camp! It is the last camp after 7 years (about 5 years of me helping for two weeks each summer).

August 10:

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Went to another Repticon with friends! This time there was a venomous section which was interesting.

August 18:

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At the end of August I helped a friend move in and saw her college for the first time, then packed up myself. Went back to school a week early to help with the upperclassmen move-in, which allowed me more time to slowly move everything back from the storage unit.

August 26:

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Had my first day of work and first day of class, had no time to eat until about 6pm. Kind of a rough start.

September 14:

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Went to the Met for a history assignment. I always beat myself up for doing ‘fun’ things.

September 21:

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Went and saw Wicked! Won the school lottery for it, thought it was a cool backstory for the Wizard of Oz. Had several songs stuck in my head for a while and I’m a fan of scene changes. I just remember September as a pretty long month of getting back into the swing of school.

October 12:

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Went to Washington Square Park for the first time, and popped by the site for the design project.

October 25:

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Watched the first part of the last season of Bojack. Kind of had a rough (unrelated) time.

October 31:

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Didn’t really do anything for Halloween. Maybe one day holidays that happen on school days like this will feel fun again. Mostly just worked in my room.

November 2:

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Did ‘huevember’ so that’s why November is all colorful. Went to CAB (Comic Arts Brooklyn), saw a talk with a few people like Chris Ware and Art Spiegelman (these are a few excerpts from their talk), and walked around the tables. Wrote about it a bit in here.

November 16:

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Went to Storm King. Probably my favorite trip this semester. This title may seem familiar, and you can read a bit about my visit in that blog post.

November 25:

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Also in November: went to the MoMA with my history class which was interesting since it recently reopened. Also went home for Thanksgiving (was only there really for two days) at the end of the month. Kinda sucked because all of the design final stuff was due at 9pm the Sunday at the end of break so came back to work.

December 4:

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I survived my third college finals season. Got all As and Bs *thumbs up emoji*

December 7:

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Meanwhile, I am not sure why, but after most of a life depraved of miniature things I have had the increasing desire to make a dollhouse and decorate the inside. We have a few miniature building kits that my parents promised we would make when I was a small child but perhaps I need to take the initiative. At any rate, visited the only dollhouse store I could find near me and it was really cool (though a bit out of my price range at the moment) and got a signed Book of Mini. Wherein I discover the existence of the 68 Thorne Rooms in Chicago and that there is a ‘keeper’ who gets to maintain them and decorate for the holidays…. another dream job.

December 20:

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Traveled home! The beginning of winter break consisted of lengthy Terraria sessions with my brother since we hadn’t been able to play games together for quite some time. Christmas and New Years Eve were just small celebrations with my family. I have about 2 weeks left before I go back for my fourth semester, so we’ll see how that goes. I’ve been working on and just finished shingling a miniature 1:12 scale barn for no particular reason (I don’t own horses in the right scale or necessarily have a desire to furnish the inside yet, maybe constructed it as a warm up for an actual house).

Thanks for sticking out 2019 with me. We’ll see if I blog more this year, let me know if there is anything you want see :0

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Games

Minecraft Let’s Play

Elizabeth Clapp

Everyone knows that you are only officially a content creator once you play Minecraft. Here’s a ‘Let’s Play’ from July/August 2019, with my world appropriately titled “Summer’s End”. Also forewarning that I am a peaceful-mode person and cheat later on (go temporarily to creative mode) because I’m here for a good time not necessarily a epic hardcore survival mode time.

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I played Minecraft for the first time back in 6th grade (2012), but mostly on the school-issued iPads with my friends in 7th and 8th grade. So it was interesting to see some of the more recent updates (considering the latest update I recall was when they added horses).

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At this point in the ‘Let’s Play’ I kind of let myself cheat a bit because the heckin’ Nether spawned me in the ceiling and there was no way for me to get down without drowning in lava (I tried relocating my above-ground portal but it was never far away enough and it would end up right back in the ceiling). And unfortunately a few things conspired that I did not document: I located an abandoned mineshaft and looted a bunch of cool stuff, but then proceeded to die and lose everything. Even flying urgently in creative mode I couldn’t locate my dead body’s belongings in time. Then as I was zooming around I found a desert pyramid that was mostly submerged underground. In which I dumbly landed on the pressure plate that I knew was there hhhh and blew up whatever goodies were in those chests. Just a bad day all around. Also at some point I located a witch’s hut and a few mushroom trees. That’s about it for playing minecraft in the summer. I haven’t touched the world in a while but here is a final overview.

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Thoughts

I, too, am the landscape

Elizabeth Clapp

“Museum”: white wall, a spotlight, do not touch, standing, crowded, maze of galleries, walking slowly. A separation.

The Storm King Art Center is a 500 acre open-air sculpture park and a completely unique context to view art. Although only a few of the sculptures are allowed to be touched, there exists a cohabitation, a relationship between me, the sculptures, and the earth. I lie down on the cold, dying grass. Eyes open, blue sky and sculpture above.

The vast scale and openness allows for a number of things not typically experienced in a traditional museum setting:

  • Deception in scale between photos and real life, the only real way to experience the context surrounding the sculptures is to exist in the same space as them.
  • Exploration and freedom are really emphasized. There is no clear path, no signs pointing the way. You can run, you can walk, you can roll down the hill, lie down, wander through the forest and down to the river. It felt like a scaled up version of how a park or playground feels to a kid, since you are so small the world seems so large. If that makes sense. Additionally, the map lacked many reference photos so I found the best route was walking towards whatever caught my eye.
  • Within the first hour of being there, my phone decided to bug out and shut down, rebooting with 6% battery, when it was previously in the 90s. Cool, love that. Having my phone basically die made the day interesting in that I couldn’t seek out more information about the sculptures (they had titles and artist names, as well as an online link for information, but no history printed on the descriptive label itself), I had to observe them at face value. Which I feel could be comparable to walking through a gallery without reading the labels (which I also do often, unless something particular sticks out).
  • I let my imagination run a bit, as I think most people do when it comes to museums (The Mixed Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler, Night at the Museum franchise, etc.), though I think the lack of defined walls, the smaller or less visible quantity of security, and the fact you could be in the middle of a field, turn around 360 degrees, and not see another soul within eyesight may have fueled my thoughts. I pondered about how it would be staying there after dark, or being an alien or next generation of human being confused by past relics (the sculptures, perhaps buried halfway in dirt).

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